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Unimaginable Wellness For New Moms Who Are Founders, Entrepreneurs, Creators


Nov 8, 2022

In this episode, you will hear about my messy journey to writing my nonfiction book. You will also catch two other stories that could only be told by moms. I really do believe that mommying while writing a book presents a certain special kind of messiness. This is also why in this episode, I go on to invite you to an online mom writers' community that I'd love to lead. If writing is lonely....motherhood is lonely....then this need for us to be around one another just feels so blistering hot and necessary. Are you interested in learning more? Catch me on Instagram @melissallarena send me a DM with the word STORY if you are a mom who is writing nonfiction and would love access to a community of other crazy moms who for some wild reason or another have decided to write about true happenings precisely when their lives might be feeling like truly epic messes. Not on Insta? Then email me melissa[@]melissallarena.com

What follows is the transcript...pardon the AI

Moms, I want to really just share with you why it's different when a mom decides to write a nonfiction book. And I would even say that even if you're writing a fiction book, the same rules are going to apply. And the reason why I think it's so important to focus on mom authors is that I just don't think the same happens when you don't have kids and you're looking to write a book.

I really think there are nuances that make a big difference pertaining to whether you actually get to the finish line. Here's where I'm coming from. I would say that as someone who is writing a nonfiction book right now, I'm a mom to three little boys. When I first launched my business, which is totally separate and distinct from this book that I'm looking to write and I'm currently writing, this was about 11 years ago. I decided to launch a career coaching practice in 2011. That happens to be when I became a mom. My first son was six months old and the thought of not having something other than being a mom as it had been portrayed to me by my own mom. What I noticed was important by way of TV moms. Like for me that thought of only looking at my child and being with them 24 seven and not using some other skills and talents. It just felt really hard and it might feel that way to you too.

So when I decided to write my own nonfiction book, this happened about, well, specifically on May 18, 2021. By that point, I had already gained an appreciation for what it was like to have an online business, a career coaching practice. I had gained an appreciation for just all of the hurdles and challenges that come with navigating the online space, whether it's being able to publish every single day on social media or it's having the energy and wherewithal to get on all of those prospecting calls. And I thought I knew better. I thought that writing a book, especially if I had put a bit of a pause on my career coaching practice, I thought that writing a book would somehow be able to not fly out of me like when you give birth. If this was your experience from a natural, quote unquote perspective, if that was your experience, it was mine. I know it's not the same for everyone, but I just thought that I could somehow use the same sort of discipline skills, the same sort of courage, the same sort of creativity. But boy, was I wrong. I mean, I sit here telling you this from the perspective of a mom who decided to begin writing her nonfiction book during the pandemic when she and her family was abroad in Sydney, Australia. And I will say that the journey has felt extra long. I will also say that going through a global relocation made things that much more complicated, and writing a book is different. It just it just is. Because writing a book is almost like taking a piece of your heart and just putting it out there.

For other people to consider, to evaluate and to judge. And sometimes it's a bit more vulnerable than going on social media and doing like a real on Instagram. For those of you who know what it's like to have an online business. And when I began my journey, it was I felt a brave choice. I was like, okay, I need to write a book that's going to help you moms really, like, lift yourself up. Like, I want the moms around me to really stop doubting themselves. I want the moms around me to figure out what lights you up today because it's different from what may have lit you up a decade ago or maybe even before becoming a mom. And I want to help you imagine yourself really, really pulling yourself through and going for it. And so I began my journey and it was me being a bit naive, assuming that if I could have my own online business for 11 years during the course of motherhood, which was definitely tumultuous because I have three little boys, I thought somehow writing a book would be similar would be doable. But again, I just had no idea.

So I wanted to share with you not just my story of why it might feel different if you're a mom that's looking to write a non-fiction book. But I wanted to just share some conversations I've had with mom authors. These are people who have already published their non-fiction books and people who have had wonderful literary careers.

And I think through their stories as well, the ones that never actually were recorded but were spoken about after the podcast interviews, I think you'll gain an appreciation for why it's so important for you for me to actually be part of a community of like-minded moms who are looking to write these epic stories based on true details.

So here are, well, two stories that really, really called my attention as it relates to two moms who decided to write nonfiction and were in the middle of mommy-ing. I've almost wanted to create a verb out of the title of Mother. So one story that was quite vivid and again, this is a podcast guest, and we were talking and you'll hear her story in the future, but she did not share this insight when we had been live recording. This was after the fact. So here's her story. And I'm not going to name names because I don't think it's as important as the big point.

So here's a mom who was already in her career as a writer, someone who also worked in academia, someone who also decided to become a mom later on. So in her forties. And what I thought was really, really amazing was that in her case and again, you don't hear these things, but in her case she actually was committed to writing a book. And as does happen to a lot of us, she couldn't perfectly time having a baby and giving birth. So what ended up happening was that she had a book and she was almost ready to finish the book and she assumed that she would have had her baby by then and everything would have worked out perfectly. But as with all things motherhood, it did not net out that way. She had to deliver her baby and then go back home and finish final edits of her book. And what was interesting was that her situation was such that she had to make a decision like, was she going to have like a nighttime nurse, for example, who could then help her finish the final edits of her big book? And these are the things that just are not even on the minds of individuals who are not moms as they're writing books.

What's interesting here from a nonfiction perspective is that there was a lot that needed to be just confirmed and a lot of facts that she had to organize and a lot of conversations that needed to happen with real people that made the whole matter more complex, especially when you have a child who is not looking at the time and saying, Oh, now is a convenient time to be hungry, or Oh, let me sleep through the night to that. Mom gets to finish editing her big, big book. So that's one story that for me, the point here was that this. This particular individual had her non-fiction life already going. There was momentum behind it. She had books out there. She was in academia, and essentially when she had her child, she had to then figure out how she was going to make good on her commitments and finish up the editing to this book that should have already been done, but it just didn't happen that way. And she had to make a decision to hire a nurse to help her fill in the gaps pertaining to taking care of her firstborn child. Again, this was an older mom. And it's really interesting because I can appreciate how for an older mom those early days would have been so ultra special.

Really extra special. If you've been waiting for that moment, you know, for the last decade. And these are the tough choices that take place for a mom in particular, when you're writing a book, any book, nonfiction or fiction. And I want to be sure that this podcast does what is necessary, which is to bring visibility to the complexities of being an author, writing a story that has to be written during the course of a mom-filled life. And that's just one story. Like, that's the crazy part. If you look at any book, I mean, there's an author behind the scenes, unless it's like this, I don't know, well-known brand name who has like a team of individuals writing on his or her behalf. But for the most part, it's like an individual who was locked up in an office writing something and maybe banging their head on their laptop, trying to figure out how to clearly articulate a statement. And then if it's nonfiction, how to ensure that the facts are straight. So that's one idea. And the big point there is that if you decide to write a book or as you write the book, isn't it so important for you to figure out how you're going to keep making progress or fulfill your commitments, even if life gets a little bit sloppy and messy? Right. So definitely motherhood will give you a lot of sloppiness and a lot of messiness.

Second story, there was another author that I interviewed. Again, it's like these stories really come out when we're not recording because I think that's when a lot of us like let our guard down. But here's the back story. So with this particular author, she was in a totally different sector. She had a very analytical job at one point, and then she decided to become a children's book author. And in her case, she decided to become a children's book author. And she also had given birth to a child and the child was premature. So what do you do in that case when all of a sudden your hopes and dreams, whatever they may have been, they're going to be set aside or paused? So for her, you know, having a preemie and definitely dedicating your waking hours and not sleeping, frankly, in order to be with your preemie is going to definitely change your timeline and have you adjust your aspirations as it relates to anything, let alone a children's book. Right on top of that, this preemie also had illnesses during the first six months of his or her life. And what was interesting is, again, it's like, okay, so you're putting your dream of becoming an author to the side. It's almost like on this shelf. And you're really hoping that once you're done, quote unquote, that you can go back to that shelf and continue wherever you left off. And I think the moral of the story there for this particular author is quite simple, which is it was actually kind of interesting. It happens that her daughter ended up reminding her of this dream. She once had to write a children's book like her daughter. I don't know if her daughter was like four or five, six or older, but ultimately she was the one that said, Hey, mom, didn't you want to write a children's book? And so it was really interesting how her child nudged her to get back on it. And so that's another unique part, right? So while this particular mom, you know, had to pause her ambitions and then she basically decided to go back at it, it was her child that gave her that little nudge. And so that's also unique when it comes to being a mom and writing any book, whether it's nonfiction or not. So those two stories, I think, are really important, and I think they're not being told right now. You just see a book and it's gorgeous and it's like nicely edited and the illustrations are gorgeous and you see a beautiful, like publishing house or not, self-publishing is also very legit and you just have no idea what goes on in order to put this together. And I think for moms in particular, it's an extra dose of persistence, right? And so where is that? Going to come from when all your kids are sick? Where is that going to come from when there's a global pandemic? Not to say that anything is happening again, I just want to say that that was totally unexpected and a really, really big seismic edit on my timeframe for my own nonfiction book. So there's so much that needs to be considered when you are constantly considering someone else, i.e. a child, because each child is almost like a variable. And for me it's like anything can happen as it relates to one individual. And once you start multiplying beyond one child, things get ever more complicated. So if you have in your heart, if you feel like you have a book inside of you, I think it's important for you to understand that as a mom, there will be hard choices that you have to make when you will have to decide for yourself. Okay, is there something that I can do in order to ensure that I make that commitment to myself actually happen or commitment to a publisher? Right. And obviously that makes it even more stressful. So that's one point. The second point is as it relates to having this desire to write a book like I mean, not to say that you should wait ten years until that baby can talk to you and say, Hey, mom, maybe you ought to write that book. However, there's this notion that if that book is meant to be written, and if you've spoken about it at any point, then chances are someone, maybe your own child, will nudge you and remind you to get back at it. So I think there's a huge value there because I think that our kids are like these tiny little spiritual beings that are there to remind us of the important things. And writing a book might be that for you. And then as it relates to me and my journey, I think what's important in light of what might be in your heart is that, oh my gosh, like you could plan like the best of them. You could say to yourself, Well, I will be writing every day 6 a.m., Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sundays, I will be writing at 9:00 PM. And that's theoretically a beautiful little calendar and nice for you to consider. But ultimately, as life happens and it will, especially if you're a mom, you will need to make adjustments and you will just need to figure out how to plug yourself into a community of like-minded people who get it. I mean, you don't want to have to explain why you decided to not write one day when your child had 102 fever. Like, who needs to explain that? Wouldn't it be nice to be part of a community where there's other moms who want to write a book and they've been through the shitstorm? They understand how complex and unpredictable motherhood is and can not necessarily support the fact that you've paused. But essentially they get it. They just get it right. They just get it. And that's why for me, having moved from Australia to Austin, Texas, it's been a really interesting journey for the most part. I've been writing in my kitchen. I will say right now, as I'm staring dead at a squirrel on a tree outside of my window, that writing in the kitchen is not the most like, aesthetically wonderful, exciting place to be. I have gotten way more energy from the podcast guests that I've spoken to who have appreciated just how up and Downy writing and being a mom is, and I want to offer that to you. You're listening to this conversation and you're hearing how for a lot of moms, writing a book is truly a journey of like more than resilience and persistence. It's just like badassery on a whole other level. And if you're writing a book that is going to reflect a real story, I think the stakes sometimes can be even higher. Because what if it's not even your story that you want to tell? Then it's like, not only do you owe it to yourself, but you owe it to that person whose story you want to share with the world. And I want to offer you an opportunity to join me. I would be so excited if you, having listened to this conversation, if you have a book in your heart and you want a community, I would love to hear you reach out to me and just let me know if this sounds right up your alley. So here's what I'm thinking. Call me crazy, but I really think that creating a group of moms and all of this would be done virtually where together, right? We would be encouraging one another to write these real these raw and inspiring stories, I think to get. There, we can better navigate and definitely in a healthier way, navigate the ups and downs of not just motherhood, but writing a book. There's so many moms that have beautiful stories, that have recipes, that have memoirs that they want to write, that have how to said they would love to put out there, who just can't figure out how to make it happen in light of the unpredictability and uncertainty that is motherhood. And I want us to get together. Here's what I'm thinking, and I definitely want to know what you think. So in this community of storyteller moms who will be forming an online community, this is what we'll do together. We will imagine we will design, we will plan and immersed in creative experiences that will become those epic stories. Why is that important? So as I've been writing my book, what I have found for me is that I need these little spurts of inspiration and whether it's been me going on these little like adventures in order to just feel excited or it's me taking up a brand new class and learning something like and it's legit fantasy map making when I've gone on those quote unquote artists dates. For those of you who are familiar with Julia Cameron, I've just felt so much more invigorated when I've then approached the writing of my own nonfiction book. And so the plan is that on this online community where there will be other moms who want to write nonfiction books, that together we would go on these little adventures. I would absolutely share with you some of the best adventures that have given me the most life. And together, we would also learn how to master the art of trusting ourselves. I don't know about you, but for me, as I write every sentence for my nonfiction book, I feel like it's an exercise in Can I trust myself enough that this is the right sentence? Can I trust myself enough that this paragraph can end here? Am I telling the story in the best light? So this art of trusting yourself is something that I can teach you. And I think we can also learn from one another in this online community for moms who are storytellers and want to write our book. I think the other thing that is going to be really urgent in light of what a mom needs to write a nonfiction book, I want you to learn how to reprioritize yourself. So if you notice in those stories that I shared with you along with mine, there was a lot that was going on behind the scenes. One mom, like I said, had to finish editing her book, so she had to hire a night nurse. One mom had to pause her book because she had a preemie that was very ill. In my case, I had to be okay with extending the timeline of writing my nonfiction book, which I'm still writing, by the way. I want you to know that. And so it's important for you to know how to actually prioritize your book, right, Even in light of all these changes and complexities. And that is something else that I can teach you. So mastering the art of trusting yourself, reprioritizing yourself so that you can live the kind of storied life that is going to pack bookshelves in all of the world's greatest libraries. That's what this online group of like minded moms is all about. I don't want you to feel alone, like I said, and as I've been feeling, writing a book is a lonely endeavor. I mean, unless you've figured out how to, like, co-write. And even in those scenarios, according to the moms that I've interviewed, it's still something that you do on your own and your co-author does on their own, and then you somehow share the Google documents, let's just say. So either way you slice it, it's a lonely endeavor and so is motherhood. So now let's think about this. If motherhood is lonely and writing a book is lonely, you need a community. I need a community. So I don't want to feel alone. I want us to collaborate. I want us to check in on our dreams. If you noticed these different moms that I whose stories I shared along with my own, they had to get back on it. And I think checking in on one another is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The other idea is this cheering each other on. It's so funny because just like 24 hours ago I became an aunt and I feel like cheering on a brand new mom is like a beautiful thing and something that goes unnoticed. Like, where do you hear about these stories about moms holding the hands of other moms, whether it's online? Or just like text messaging a new mom, literally as she's giving birth. And I think the same can be done when it comes to writing your own book. So in this online community, it's about checking in on our dreams and it's about cheering each other on. Just imagine virtual pompoms. So this forum, this online community is for moms who want to write a book. It will be online. What does that mean? It will be Zoom sessions. It'll be Facebook groups where you'll get to share the questions on your mind. How do I get my book cover made? Or right now, everybody in the house has a fever. How do I continue my writing rituals, things like that? I want the form to be for you, for us, for moms in particular, who want to write a non-fiction book. Why nonfiction? For me, it's just a personal preference. Like for me, it's like there's so much truth that is happening in the world, even like history. And personally, I just enjoyed nonfiction books and I have since the age of 12. So that's really why my penchant for nonfiction. So again, in this community, you're going to have weekly adventures that are going to help you get out of that mom mode. And what's important about that is I have found that when you are in the middle of writing a book, there are so many moments that you can be compelled to just like let the book go because it's so hard to do and slip into full on motherhood. We're talking about like sweeping the floor 1000 times because it's easier than putting pen to paper, right? And I want to be sure that I share with you my adventures that helped me break out of that and kept me focused on writing my book. I also want to share with you in this online community prompts. Now, there's a lot of people who have writing prompts. They have not worked very well for me very specifically. But what has worked for me and what I have noticed in relation to nonfiction books, the best ones, is that the author is very vulnerable. And I think having reflection prompts would be really helpful to any mom who feels stuck, who's looking at a blank page and doesn't know how to move forward. So I will provide you in this online group for moms writing nonfiction reflection prompts so that this way you get the story ideas and you get the profound lessons. And whether you apply it to your actual nonfiction book is up to you. But I think it just wakes up that muscle that needs to be awakened when you're writing a book that needs to resonate with its reader and ideally inspire them into action. Here's the other part in terms of this online community that I'm sharing and why it's so important for moms. So we have questions. A lot of moms, we have questions, and there are so many hiccups in life. There are so many setbacks that wouldn't it be amazing to be able to ask fellow moms who are along different parts of this non-fiction book writing journey, kind of like how they managed, right? Like, how did you manage when you got like all those rejections to your query letters from these agents? Like how did you manage to actually, like, save that nonfiction book that you thought of back in? I'm making this up 1997, and only today, 2022, you're able to like bring out into the world. So these Q&A was like, why second guess yourself? Self doubt yourself, ask yourself questions when it's all new to you, right? Why not, like have a form, a group of moms who have been there before and just tell you real, real, real advice. So I want to really provide an online community for moms who are writing nonfiction books that you can feel comfortable enough to ask your questions. And it could be questions like, let's just imagine you had a C-section and you still want to write your nonfiction book and you're an extraordinary pain. Wouldn't it be amazing if you can ask another mom who had a C-section how she was able to break through those feelings and ultimately put pen to paper? Moms do extraordinary things. So even though that might sound extreme, a mom after a C-section wanting to, like, finish her book, like, I know there's a bunch of moms who have done it, so I'm not even going to question myself with that example I just shared right now. Here's the other thing. Energy. Let's talk about energy now. I could write a whole podcast on energy, and that's part of why this podcast is really focused on wellness. For moms who want to write nonfiction, you need energy to do anything. And as a human being, your energy one day might be fantastic and another day it might be absolutely underneath. The ground. And as a mom, like, I feel like we're just like it's more volatile for us, I think. And I think it's important to be around women who are moms who are writing nonfiction, who need energy to produce the greatest stories of their life. You need energy. So how do you create it? How do you really make sure that you're not you don't have energy leaks, as I call them in my book. I want to share with you my wisdom and my insights and my tips and tricks around that point, because I think it's urgent. I think it's so important if you're a mom who wants to create a book, who wants to write a book. I mean, this is something that can be perceived by the outside world as quote unquote, extra, Right? And if you don't have energy, you will only be doing the bare minimum of life. So if you want to create a book, write a book. You will need to somehow master the art of making your own energy. And that's also why I shared that idea about those mini adventures. So here's the next step. I want to be very, very clear right now. This is a call I am on a mission to bring together storyteller moms who want to write a book, a nonfiction book. This could be a memoir. This could be a historical sort of like evaluation of what happened. This could be recipe book. This could be a how to book. You might be an amazing instagrammer with all these insights around a topic. And you want to write a book. I want to bring you into this forum, this online community, where together you and I, because I'm on my own journey to will imagine design plan and immerse ourselves in and creative experiences that are going to contribute to these epic stories that you're writing. I want to teach you how to master the art of trusting yourself. I want to teach you how to reprioritize yourself so that this way you have an incredible, incredible story to tell and you get it done irrespective of what happens to you. As a mom, I do not want you to feel alone. I want you to have someone with whom to collaborate. I want you to feel like you have someone checking in on you just like you check in on your kids. I want you to feel like you to have someone looking out for you. And I want you a mom, which you tend to be the cheerleader pertaining to everyone else's dreams. I want you to feel like you have cheerleaders on your side calling out your name to get it done. So this forum is going to be online and it's going to provide members with weekly adventures, like I said, that are going to remind you that you are more than a mom. This form is going to include prompts that are going to help you access those vulnerable stories that you might want to share or just keep your message raw and real. So I want to be sure that you have something to inspire you to gather the profound lessons that you've accumulated throughout your life and that you might want to share in your book. This form is going to make available an opportunity for you to ask questions. So Q&A to overcome, like the real mom or nonfiction writer, hiccups and setbacks that do happen along the way. And this form is going to help you learn how to create your own energy, because without it, nothing is going to be written and dinner is not going to be on the table either. So unless you figured out how to navigate the art of dinner making with a partner, I want to just invite you because I'm really excited about this. Like as I'm writing my nonfiction book, these past few days have been pretty crazy. My children have been ill, they've had fevers. It's been one of those weeks and I am really praying that I don't get anything. And it's been one of those weeks where I've wanted a community of like minded women. I would love to know that right now I could sit here in my kitchen, go online, and I could find other moms who are writing nonfiction, who are going through the same thing that I'm going through. I would love to have an adventure to look forward to this weekend, for example, that I know that I could explore and try. And that is going to give me energy and enthusiasm that I need in order to get my seat or my bum in a seat and writing. So I want this like I would want this online community. I would want moms that are in the same trenches as I am who are also writing a nonfiction book. I want us to be together. You don't have to be lonely. I feel like at this point, if we're really honest with ourselves, loneliness is a choice. We are not in a lockdown right now. Right now, it's really a matter of figuring out how you're going to find your tribe. Who do you want to be around? Who? Who inspires you? Who motivates you? What scenarios make you feel like you've got a lot more to give? And immersing yourselves into those scenarios is the way to go. And so I want to create that online community. And right now, right this very moment, that online community, is something that I'm starting. So right now, this is going to be complimentary. I want to know if you're interested in joining me in this online forum. So here's how to reach out Super simply on Instagram. Just go to Melissa Lorena go to at Melissa lx a r, e and a, and all you have to do is type the word story. That's it. Type the word story in direct message on Instagram and let me know that you would want to be part of this community, this online forum where you will be together with other storyteller moms who want to write their own nonfiction books. And you want to feel inspired, motivated, you want your questions answered, and you want to learn how to trust yourself, gather your own energy and prioritize yourself. Let me know you're interested. Just type in the word story in DM on Instagram at Melissa. Lorena Now, as with all episodes I write in the story section or I write the show notes and you can see in the show notes how to spell my first and last name and reach out to me. If you are not on Instagram, there's a lot of writers that are on Twitter. And so I also want to invite you not so much to find me on Twitter because I want to change my handle name to be a lot more clear in terms of what it is that I do. But email me, just email me Melissa at Melissa Sina.com. Again, this will be in the show notes. Thank you so much. And as always, I truly appreciate you. So ultimately this is a call to action for you, my beautiful mom listener. If you have a book inside of you and you want to write it, I am inviting you very specifically. Yeah. You don't look over your shoulder. No, I'm actually talking to you to actually be part of this community. I want to know if you're interested. If you would be excited, send me a DM on Instagram. Just write the word story. Let me know that you want to be part of a group of like minded moms who want to write a non-fiction book, and then we will take it from there because this is something that I need in order to finish my nonfiction book. And it's also something that I know that a lot of moms out there would really appreciate because I think our journey is unique. I really, really do. Writing a book a lot of people refer to as like a book baby. But when you already have a bunch of babies or one baby, it just feels like a really big endeavor, like way bigger than anyone could even explain without doing it. So this is my invitation to you. Reach out to me. If this is something that is interesting, just type in the word STORY. I would love, love, love, love, love to have a conversation with you and just see what else you might need because I want to be sure that I can bring together other moms who are in the same exact boat. Thank you so much. And until next Tuesday, there will be a beautiful interview available for you with an author. And I want to be sure that you are getting insights from other voices as well. So look forward to that interview-focused episode next week on Tuesday. Thank you so much. And make sure to have subscribed officially to Unimaginable Wellness, the podcast for moms writing nonfiction. Thank you so much.