Dec 3, 2020
Ken Page, LCSW, is a renowned psychotherapist, popular Psychology Today blogger, and author of the bestseller Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy. Ken was desperately looking for love but found himself chronically single as the years went by. What was he doing wrong? Through his own exploration and diving into the research, Ken shares how we can build intimacy and find a loving and healthy relationship on this week’s episode.
TAKEAWAYS:
[3:05] How can single people in recovery safely find their life partner?
[3:45] Ken understands. He was an awful dater for the longest time.
[4:50] Ken really wanted to find someone, but he was always single for one reason or another.
[6:35] Although Ken is gay, the lessons he teaches applies to anyone, no matter their sexual orientation.
[7:55] One day, Ken found himself being called to be a dad. Things changed for him. 9 months later he adopted a child and it led to Ken finding his husband, too.
[9:40] How do you date so that you find a good match for you? This is rarely talked about.
[9:55] Ken walks you through an intimacy map.
[12:45] How can you put your best foot forward while still remaining authentic?
[14:00] How do you bring your most intimate self on a date? Ken shares an example.
[14:45] Keep a journey for two days and note the things that hurt you and note the things that fill your heart.
[18:00] Sometimes, we would rather die than reveal our true self.
[19:20] Does my soul feel safe with this person?
[20:40] Are you pushing love away while you are also looking for love?
[23:40] Can you find true love on Tinder/Grindr?
[27:55] Your deepest gifts are underneath your defense mechanisms.
RESOURCES:
The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
Connect with Ken: Deeperdatingpodcast.com & https://deeperdating.com
QUOTES:
- “You’ve been talking about looking for love for a really long time, but you’re always single. I don’t think you really mean it.”
- “As you move closer to the center of the target, that’s you becoming more authentic and the further in you get, the closer you are to the beating heart of humanity.”
- “It’s an internal journey first to embrace your gifts. When you do that, our dating life changes.”
- “We all have a true self and we create a false self around that to protect ourselves.”