Mar 19, 2020
Carol Juergensen Sheets is a Coach, Therapist, Speaker, and Author of the book, Help. Her. Heal, in which she discusses how a relationship can recover after sexual betrayal. Carol knows men desperately want to stop their sex addiction and stop hurting the people they care about, but can’t seem to control their compulsion. She wrote her book to help couples through this difficult time and to overcome sex addiction together. In this episode, she explains how to find the right coach to help without breaking the bank, working with a hurt spouse & the person who hurt them, and so much more.
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:45] Carol used to do radio about sex addiction before she got into podcasting.
[4:45] How can therapists better help patients who can not afford therapy but desperately need it?
[6:20] What are some of the best ways to find a coach?
[10:10] After a betrayal, the partner or spouse no longer feels safe with the person who has hurt them.
[11:15] Some men are not ready to give up their sex addiction.
[13:25] Carol’s book, Help. Her. Heal, shows couples that you can overcome a sex addiciton.
[14:00] When couples seek therapy, Carol knows the man wants to fix this. He hates seeing his spouse in pain, but he just doesn’t know how to stop it.
[16:40] Carol asks the person who has betrayed their spouse to step into the spouse’s shoes and to understand what kind of pain they are currently experiencing.
[18:00] 95% of self-help books are brought by women. Men aren’t reading books like Carols’.
[19:10] Some men have good intentions, but for some reason, they simply can not sustain them. Carol has resources for these men.
[20:30] What has changed over the last 15 years when it comes to helping spouses through sex addiction?
RESOURCES:
The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
BlogTalkRadio — Carol the Coach
QUOTES:
- “People get so overwhelmed [by betrayal] that they completely emotionally disengage, they can’t think clearly, and they can’t make sense of the world.”
- “Avoidance is a big issue in a sex addict. He thinks if he waits long enough the spouse’s feelings will go away.”
- “When a man is discovered, he may not really be ready to give up his sex addiction because it was his best friend and medication.”
- “Unfortunately, oftentimes the partner feels like his actions are the direct reflection of how he feels about her, but it has nothing to do with how he feels about her. It’s a compulsion.”
- “When he helps her heal, he gets better too. It improves his self-esteem.”