Apr 16, 2020
Dr. Rob went on The Mel Robbins Show with his colleague Noah Church to help a couple work through the man’s porn addiction. Dr. Rob also offered the couple resources they needed to better understand porn addiction after the show. The male partner has felt a lot of regret over his porn use and wants to better understand how to make it stop. His girlfriend is feeling betrayed and doesn’t know where to go from here. Listen in to Dr. Rob’s insight and advice.
TAKEAWAYS:
[3:55] The girlfriend is worried about what other lies her boyfriend has told her throughout their 9-year relationship.
[6:00] The boyfriend is feeling a lot of shame right now. He has felt like he’s led a double life for a long time.
[8:20] How can the couple recover from this?
[13:20] If he wants to change, it’s important that he goes to therapy and support groups.
[15:40] Noah weighs in as a former porn addict.
[16:40] How has Noah been able to live a sober life?
[17:35] The boyfriend doesn’t see this as an addiction. He sees the lying as something to be ashamed of, but not the act itself.
[19:25] How does addiction impact the brain?
[22:00] How can we talk to our children about porn?
[23:25] What are some of the signs that your partner might be watching porn?
[24:00] Why is porn considered cheating?
RESOURCES:
The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
QUOTES:
- “People see addiction as only related to substances and pornography is treated very lightly in our society. We’re coming to understand that internet pornography can become very addicting as well.”
- “There are changes that we can see across all addictions that are similar and those changes include sensitization, we are more sensitive to cues that lead to use.”
- “Young kids now first come into contact with pornography. I read that the average age is 11, and in many cases younger.”
- “There’s a false idea, which is if you talk to your kids about sex, they’re going to want to have it. The truth is if you want to protect your kids from porn, you have to teach them early what’s healthy or what isn’t.”
- “In the digital age, cheating is the keeping of profound secrets in an intimate relationship.”