Nov 5, 2020
Kristin Snowden is a specialist in helping clients recover and heal from addiction, depression, anxiety, trauma, loss, and relationship challenges (namely infidelity and divorce). Kristin has seen women come into her office completely unsure why they feel depressed, why they feel lost, why they feel so broken. And upon further investigation, it’s because these women hide their true feelings and they’re being gaslighted by their addict. Kristin discusses how you’re not crazy about the feelings you have and how to own your power and work on building trust again with your addict.
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:45] What is it like working with Dr. Rob?
[4:15] Kristin wanted to get Dr. Rob’s thoughts on how betrayed spouses navigate depression and their sexual traumas.
[10:00] When someone has been betrayed. They mentally choose to move forward not move on, but their bodies don’t react the same way.
[11:15] How does the betrayed partner end up being convinced they’re the problem or they’re the ones with depression?
[14:40] Do not invalidate what your body is telling you.
[17;55] If something is bothering you and it’s triggering your feelings of betrayal all over again, speak up. You don’t need to hide it.
[21:05] You don’t need to deeply examine yourself when the problem is right in front of you. You don’t need to feel more shame about that.
[24:00] Some people discover that they’ve really been shamed by their partner for having very real feelings and decide they’re completely done and don’t want to put up with the lies anymore.
[26:15] The key is to practice humility and to show up better for yourself despite being hurt and wanting to kick and scream and throw things.
[28:05] How do you be strong for yourself when your partner is gaslighting you?
[30:50] Group therapy is critical in making you realize you’re not crazy.
RESOURCES:
The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
Connect with Kristin: Kristinsnowden.com
QUOTES:
- “It’s the person you’re supposed to be the most intimate with and love the most and you feel the most unsafe with them.”
- “That’s why I encourage therapists who specialize in sex addiction and trauma to really understand the deep unconscious traumas around this as well as shame resiliency work.”
- “You can’t fix anything you’re not aware of. You can’t change any patterns that you don’t realize exist.”
- “We say depression is anger turned inward.”