Aug 17, 2021
Divorce is complex and traumatic
to all parties involved, especially for the children. Co-parenting
adds a whole other layer of challenges, especially when behavioral
problems arise in children and you're not on the same page with
your ex.
In this episode, I
share the screen and engage in valuable conversation with Kimball
Lewis, the CEO of EmpoweringParents.com. Lewis shares timeless and
practical parenting advice to help parents manage the most
challenging child behavior problems.
Key points in this episode:
✔️
Kids who act out have difficulty in
problem-solving. Lewis
cites these are emotional troubles dealing with frustration, anger,
and issues that kids don't necessarily understand why they act out
as a result. In addition, they may have functional problems and
have a hard time meeting responsibilities like getting up and going
to school or putting the video game down.
✔️
Blaming your co-parent for your child's behavior doesn't do
your child any good. Children see themselves as an extension of both
parents. So when you're blaming the other parent, you're
essentially creating more issues with your kids instead of treating
them as an individual.
✔️ Put
accountability on your child, and they'll have a much better chance
of improving. Lewis
shares, "you're not responsible for your child's behavior. Your
child is. If you want to keep the accountability on your child,
what you're responsible for is your response to it. There are
effective and ineffective responses, but don't consider the child's
behavior as your fault. The child needs to be held accountable, and
that's how they're going to learn to behave better."
✔️ Stop
participating in an argument with your child. When your child's arguing against your rules,
and you've explained yourself once, you don't have to have that
argument any longer. You can say, "look, these are the rules you
need to comply with, or else there will be consequences tomorrow.
We can sit down for 20 minutes, and we can talk about it. We'll
schedule it out."
✔️
Applying consequence is not a punishment. Instead, you're
helping to train and teach your child how to behave and solve
problems appropriately. Although it may not work the first time, you're
going to have to keep applying these things, so if you use a
consequence and then the child does it again the next day, it
doesn't mean that it's not working. You have to keep applying it
right.
✔️ Don't
take their behavior personally. Lewis reminds this even when they swear at you
because they're not solving the problems effectively, and you end
up being the recipient of it. For example, they could be repeating
something that the other spouse told them that they should and have
no business knowing, and they'll use it against you to solve their
problem, which is to get out of responsibility or out of
frustration. So you can't take it personally, and you have to view
it as a behavior problem.
✔️
EmpoweringParents.com provides a total transformation
program called "Two
Parents, One Plan" that serves as an instruction manual to help
separated parents deal with defiant kids.
Connect with Kimball Lewis:
Kimball Lewis is the CEO of EmpoweringParents.com, the
leading provider of parenting and coaching programs for parents
struggling with severe defiance, constant arguing, and other
behavior problems in children ages 5 to 25. This company is the
home of James Lehman's The Total Transformation® child behavior
program, used by over 500,000 families worldwide. Their objective
is to put the knowledge of America's most respected psychologists
and therapists in the hands of parents to give them not just the
theory but emphasizing the "how-to" as a practical roadmap to
achieve a better family life.
Connect with Wendy Sterling:
Website:
https://wendysterling.net/
Instagram:
@divorcerehabwithwendy
Twitter: @thedivorcerehab
Facebook: @wendytsterling