Feb 12, 2026
What does it take to turn a viral essay about longing into a deeply researched memoir and a book deal?
For Amanda McCracken, it took 11 years, multiple agent rejections, a pandemic, creative platform-building, and an unwavering commitment to her story.
In this episode, Estelle Erasmus sits down with Amanda McCracken, author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love, a deeply researched memoir that blends personal narrative with journalism, psychology, and neuroscience.
Amanda shares the behind-the-scenes reality of the publishing journey, from her 2013 viral New York Times essay to landing a book deal in 2024. She opens up about the structural challenges of writing memoir with research, the emotional work of cutting stories that “served their purpose,” and how she built a compelling platform through her podcast The Longing Lab, her 2023 TED Talk, and strategic essay placements in Vogue, The Guardian, and The Washington Post.
How to turn a personal essay into a full book proposal and why timing matters [2:48]
The real timeline of traditional publishing, from query to contract [4:35]
Why perseverance, patience, and an athlete’s mindset matter in the publishing journey [8:11]
Why agents and editors wanted a “happy ending” and how Amanda navigated that [18:59]
How to position your book in a competitive market without saying “there’s nothing like it” [20:10]
Smart platform-building strategies, including podcasts, TED Talks, and targeted essay placements [22:52]
The power of giving yourself grace and focusing on what’s fun during the book promotion process [25:02]
How to structure a memoir that weaves personal story with deep research [25:19]
Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4DTnoOVPzcM
About Amanda:
Amanda McCracken is a journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, National Geographic, Elle, NPR, Outside, ESPN, SELF,Runner’s World, and many others. She published her first article about longing in 2013, which led to additional articles featuring personal anecdotes and deep research and interviews with the BBC and Katie Couric. She is now considered a “limerence expert” and intimacy advocate. Her 2023 TED Talk, “How Longing Keeps Us From Healthy Relationships,” highlights how longing can become self-sabotaging and shares how to change our patterns of longing. McCracken is the author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking Free from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love. She is also a part-time university instructor, massage therapist, triathlon coach, and competitive athlete. Raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, McCracken put down roots with her husband and daughter in Boulder, Colorado, after a trip around the world aboard the Peace Boat.
Connect with Amanda
www.amandajmccracken.com
My book: When Longing Becomes Your Lover
My podcast: The Longing Lab
Watch my TEDx talk
Read my NYT story on limerence
Instagram: @amandajmccracken
TikTok: @thelonginglab
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amanda.mccracken.39
Get More From Estelle
Upcoming Webinar with Writer's Digest: Amplifying the Echo Effect in Memoir and Essays, February 26th, 1:00-2:30 pm ET If you want to understand how patterns, callbacks, and emotional echoes can deepen your work, join me for this brand new interactive craft webinar. Learn more and register here. https://writersdigestuniversity.mykajabi.com/amplifying-the-echo-effect-in-memoir-and-essays
Learn with Estelle: • NYU Zoom Course: Writing About Your Life Through Memoir & Essays — Discover how to beat writer's block, shape a powerful narrative, pitch editors, and walk away with a ready-to-publish essay or memoir pages. https://www.sps.nyu.edu/courses/WRIT1-CE9800-writing-about-your-life-through-memoir-essays-and-articles.html
Private Small-Group Memoir Class — January and March are sold out. Next 6-week session begins May 2026. Email me at freelancewritingdirect@gmail.com for details and to get on the waiting list.
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About Estelle
Estelle Erasmus is an award-winning journalist,TEDx Speaker, author of Writing That Gets Noticed, and host of Freelance Writing Direct. An adjunct professor at NYU, her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, WIRED, PBS/Next Avenue, The Independent, and AARP The Magazine. She has served as editor-in-chief of five national magazines.
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