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The Knomii Podcast

Dec 19, 2022

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

Today Madeline and Cynthia ask the question of how can we feel like a caring person and still care for ourselves.  At the end of the day, people-pleasing comes from a desire to receive love and acceptance from others. 

People-pleasing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being a concerned and caring person is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones. It becomes a problem, however, if we are trying to win approval in order to shore up weak self-esteem or if we are pursuing the happiness of others at the expense of our own emotional well-being.

What we discussed:

(00:47) The tendency to people please for the holidays

(02:09) Getting out of assumptions land

(03:02) Going from pleasing to priorities

(04:30) Checking in on energy levels

(05:48) Put on your own oxygen mask first

(07:34) The truth about people-pleasing: it's not about them!

(09:11) Why confidence combats people-pleasing

(10:42) Going beyond obligations

(12:43) Choosing values over fears

(15:38) Going in for the win-win 

(16:21) Compromise vs. sacrifice

(18:56) Fear-driven vs. love-driven 

(21:30) Ending with a quote

(21:58) BIG NEWS: retreats coming in 2023!

(22:43) Closing notes

For further reading and tools: 

Make yourself a priority.

Your wants and needs are just as important as your family and friends (in fact, they are more important because you should be your own top priority).

What do you want to do? How do you want to feel? What can you do more of to feel that way?

Choose Values Over Fears. ...As you are able, check in with yourself to see what values-driven choices or decisions might be accessible in any given situation.

Start Setting Boundaries Now. Dr. Brene Brown’s definition: “Boundaries are simply what’s okay and what’s not okay.” Having your boundaries set beforehand can go a long way in terms of promoting self- respect and autonomy, while still allowing yourself to show up for your family.

Communicate your needs to others …Communication is defined as a lot of things but my favorite definition includes, “the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings”.

Get Comfortable Saying No. ...Consider what you are sacrificing. Saying “no” can be difficult but consider what you are sacrificing every time you say “yes” to please others.

Take Care of Yourself. …Self-care is important to maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself. It means doing things to take care of our minds, bodies, and souls by engaging in activities that promote well-being and reduce stress

Give Yourself Grace.   Work on giving YOURSELF the love and acceptance you crave from family, friends, and loved ones. You are totally and completely worthy just as you are.

Create Win/Win Scenarios

Turn Obligations into honoring values

Quote for reflection: 

“What could I do if I just knew it didn't need to be perfect? It just needed to be.” Encanto lyrics

Want to get in touch? 

Email us at or to request a topic, give feedback, or learn more about our 1:1 sessions. 

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Follow and connect with Cynthia on Linkedin.

Hosts & Guests

Cynthia Garrett, LMHC  Host

Madeline Farquharson   Host


Show: The Knomii Podcast

Published 12/19/2022

Season 1

Rating: Clean

Frequency: Updated Bi-monthly

Length: 23 min

Episode 8

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