#188: Regulate, Connect, Routines: These Come Before Teaching

Aug 18, 2026

This is Week 1 of 6 in the Back to School Foundations replay series. While I'm in Portland helping my daughter move into her first house, I'm revisiting six episodes I think will help most as you head back to school. New season starts Tuesday, September 29th, with five weeks on AAC for AAC Awareness Month.

So much of what goes wrong in September is really about something that was never put in place in August. Three things. That's it. Here's what they are.

I'm starting this series at the very beginning, with the framework I built to answer the question I get more than any other: where do I even start?

The answer is not with the IEP goals. It's with regulate, connect, and routines. Those are the three things that have to be in place before teaching begins, and teach is the fourth pillar that everything else holds up. We all want to jump straight to teach. Sit at the table, trace the name, sort the colors. But a child who isn't regulated can't take in what you're offering, and a child who doesn't trust you yet has no reason to try.

The framework is fluid. You'll move back and forth between all four pillars every day, student by student. A child can be doing beautifully in a teaching activity and be dysregulated two minutes later, and at that point we set our agenda aside and go back to what we know helps that child. That's not a detour from the work. That is the work.

We'll talk about:

• Why regulation has to come before expectation, and what interoception has to do with it
• How to build connection with children you don't know yet, without going into teacher mode
• How predictable routines lower anxiety and grow independence
• The four pillars of the Autism Little Learners Framework: Regulate, Connect, Routines, Teach

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• Why a dysregulated child is not in a position to take in new learning
• Why true self-regulation doesn't develop until well past early childhood, and what to do instead
• What "teacher mode" sounds like, and why the questions get in the way
• How to join a child's play without taking it over or directing it
• Why speaking is not the only way to communicate, and what multimodal communication looks like

Key Takeaways:

• Regulation before expectation. If a child isn't regulated, the lesson isn't landing.
• Co-regulation is the starting point at the early childhood level, not self-regulation.
• You have to reach the child before you can teach the child.
• No significant learning takes place without a significant relationship.
• Speaking is not the only way to communicate. Every child is already communicating.
• Predictable routines reduce anxiety and build independence.
• The framework is fluid. You'll move back and forth between all four pillars every single day.
  

Try This:

• Send the Child Interest Survey home this week and use what comes back
• Join one child in their favorite activity without asking a single question
• Watch and copy what a child is doing instead of directing the play
• Ask your OT for one sensory idea for one specific child
• Teach a calming sequence with a visual cue before you need it
• Look at one child's visual schedule and check the length and the symbol type against what that child actually understands
• Pick one daily routine and make a visual sequence for it
  

Related Resources & Links:

❤️ Child Interest Survey (free)

❤️ Free Visual Support Starter Set

❤️ Autism Little Learners Membership

"Children learn best when they like their teacher and when they think their teacher likes them." Gordon Neufeld