Jul 14, 2026
In this episode, I sit down with Andrew DeRuyck, farmer, mediator, and farm management specialist, for a conversation about navigating divorce, conflict, and financial uncertainty in farm families.
Drawing on decades of experience in both mediation and farm business consulting, Andrew shares how communication breakdowns, financial complexity, and unmet expectations can put enormous strain on relationships.
Together, we explore the importance of finding common ground, improving financial literacy, and creating workable solutions that protect both people and the farm.
We also discuss why listening matters, how trust impacts decision-making, and the role mediation can play in helping families move forward with greater clarity and less conflict.
If you or someone you know is facing relationship challenges, separation, or difficult financial conversations on the farm, this episode is for you.
“When a marriage is struggling, the first place I go is common ground. Why did you get married in the first place, and how did you end up here?" - Andrew DeRuyck
Resources Mentioned During This
Episode
- Farm Family Coach
- National Farmers Mental Health Alliance
- When Sorry Is Not Enough, by Dr. Gary Chapman
About Our Guest
Andrew is a mediator, financial consultant, and farmer in southern Manitoba. He has worked for Farm Debt Mediation Service for over 20 years. Andrew and his wife Tanis began farming full-time in 2001 and were named Manitoba's outstanding young farmer of the year in 2011. He has a degree in Agriculture from the University of Manitoba and has worked for FCC, CIBC, and various chemical companies. Andrew now specializes in farm finances, divorces, and agricultural mediations.
Elaine Froese Resources:
- Watch this episode on YouTube.
- Visit the podcast website
- SPEAKING - book Elaine for your next event
- COACHING - explore Farm Transition Coaching
- MEMBERSHIP - become a Farm Family Transition Member
- FREE STUFF - downloadable tools for your farm transition
- CONTACT - take the next steps in your transition
- BURNING QUESTION? Submit it here
Farm Family Coach Social Media Links
Timestamps
00:00 - Welcome and episode overview
01:30 - Andrew's farm journey and transition from cattle to grain
farming
03:21 - Introduction to farm divorce and Andrew’s role in
facilitating the process
04:55 - The challenge of legal costs and the importance of
preparation
06:11 - The pitfalls of confrontation and advantages of active
listening in mediation
07:50 - Mediation versus legal battles in farm divorce cases
09:39 - The importance of understanding intent, action, and effect
in conflict resolution
11:11 - How neutrality and the role of the mediator help couples
feel heard
12:21 - Common reasons why couples rush into legal action
14:21 - Organizing complex farm financial data for better
decision-making
15:36 - The impact of increased land values and debt on farm
finances
16:55 - Financial literacy gaps in farming and building confidence
through data
18:19 - Addressing shame and embarrassment over financial
unawareness
21:14 - Handling disagreements about farm assets and ways to find
common ground
23:30 - Strategies for couples wanting to keep the farm intact
during separation
26:34 - Creating solutions and opportunities through positive
conflict behaviors
27:23 - Managing timelines and persistence in the mediation
process
28:52 - The importance of trust and honesty in resolving
conflicts
33:20 - Redemptive separation as a tool for addressing behavioral
and relationship issues
34:53 - Age range and complexity of divorces in the farming
community
36:17 - The significance of trust accounts and emotional bank
accounts in relationships
37:31 - The role of admitting wrongdoing to move towards
resolution
38:40 - Changes in behavior and the importance of genuine effort in
reconciliation
39:37 - Protecting farm assets and the culture of transparency in
families
41:05 - Building confidence in financial understanding for farm
families
43:07 - The value of seeking common ground and shared goals in
relationships
45:53 - Resources for mental health and relationship support
47:11 - Contact details for Andrew and available services
48:23 - Final thoughts on farm and family harmony, emphasizing
relationship wealth over material assets