Jun 19, 2023
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, fellow podcaster Jennifer Dyan Ghoston shares her experiences as an adoptee and advocate. She raises up the importance of amplifying adoptee voices, particularly for Black same-race adoptees. But as the conversation comes to an end, a thought-provoking question lingers: are adoptive parents and allies doing enough to truly understand and support their adoptee's experiences? Tune in to find out.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Navigate the complex emotions surrounding adoption, providing a deeper understanding of its challenges and rewards.
Appreciate the indispensable value of original birth certificates in an adoptee's life and identity formation.
Hear a discussion about the importance of keeping adoptees' names and validating adoptees' experiences.
Become more aware of the essential bonds of community and connection for everyone touched by adoption, such as conferences, podcasts, writing groups, and support groups.
Raise your awareness of the experiences of Black same-race adoptees.
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My special guest is Jennifer Dyan Ghoston
Jennifer Dyan Ghoston is a captivating storyteller, former detective for the Chicago PD, and passionate advocate for adoptees. Born into a closed, same-race adoption, she eventually reunited with her biological family and began a new quest to understand and support fellow adoptees. As the warm and empathetic host of the Once Upon a Time in Adoptee Land podcast, Jennifer shares her experiences and amplifies the voices of other adoptees while providing guidance to adoptive parents like our host Beth Syverson. Through her journey, she aims to promote openness and understanding within the adoption community, demonstrating her dedication to empowering others with her unique perspective and experience.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Listen to Jennifer Dyan Ghoston's podcast, Once Upon a Time in Adoptee Land, to hear more adoptee stories and perspectives: www.onceuponatimeinadopteeland.com
Read Jennifer's memoir The Truth So Far...A Detective's Journey to Reunite with Her Birth Family: https://amzn.to/3N8dyXL
Watch the documentary Jennifer appears in, A Simple Piece of Paper: https://vimeo.com/channels/adopteefilmchannel
Attend conferences like Untangling Our Roots Summit: https://untanglingourroots.org/
National Association of Adoptees and Parents (NAAP): https://naapunited.org/
Right to Know: https://righttoknow.us/
Look into the Adoptee Voices writing group: https://adoptee-voices.com/writing-groups/
Read White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo: https://amzn.to/43Hxp7k
Check out Jennifer’s website and order an autographed copy of her memoir: www.Jenniferdyanghoston.com
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
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Adoptee
Voices
The perspectives and experiences of
adoptees can be invaluable in helping everyone involved in the
adoption process understand the complexities and emotional aspects
of adoption. Adoptee voices provide insights into issues that
adoptive parents and community members may not be aware of, and
they can shed light on the unique challenges and experiences faced
by those who have been adopted. By listening to their stories,
adoptive parents can better support their children and empathize
with their experiences. During her conversation with host Beth
Syverson, Jennifer Dyan Ghoston highlights the power of
storytelling for healing and connections in the adoption community.
She discusses her work co-facilitating the Adoptee Voices writing
group, where adoptees come together in a supportive environment to
share their experiences and foster understanding among all members
of the adoption community.
Timestamped summary of
this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction,
Beth Syverson introduces the podcast
and guest, Jennifer Dyan Ghoston, who shares her adoption story.
They discuss the importance of adoptees telling their stories to
help others understand adoption's complexities.
00:02:03 - Growing Up as an
Adoptee,
Jennifer shares her experience
growing up in a closed adoption with loving adoptive parents who
were considerably older. Her parents were not emotionally available
for discussions about adoption, which made it difficult for her to
express her curiosity and feelings.
00:04:35 - Search for Biological
Family,
Jennifer shares her journey to
reunite with her biological family after embarking on a search in
2009. The Illinois law change that allowed adult adoptees to access
their original birth certificates coincided with her search. She
shares her nervousness and excitement when she finally received her
Original Birth Certificate (OBC).
00:06:27 - Importance of Original
Birth Certificate,
Beth and Jennifer discuss the
significance of an Original Birth Certificate for adoptees, which
contains their birth mother's name, date, and time of birth, among
other details. They also discuss the amended birth certificate that
adoptees are given, which can be confusing and does not reflect
their true identity.
00:09:34 - Adoptees as
Detectives,
Jennifer, who worked as a detective
in the Chicago Police Department for 24 years, reflects on the
similarities between adoptees and detectives. She also shares her
belief that identifying one's interests early in life can be
beneficial for career choices.
00:14:32 - The Importance of Names
in Adoption,
The host shares her regrets about
changing her adopted son's name to avoid bullying. She emphasizes
the importance of keeping an adoptee's name and asks adoptive
parents to consider this before making a decision.
00:15:51 - Owning Mistakes and
Educating Others,
The guest acknowledges her mistakes
and shares her experiences with adoptive parents to help them avoid
similar mistakes. She hopes that adoptive parents can learn from
her experiences and do better.
00:19:11 - Untangling Our Roots
Conference,
The guest and host discuss their
experiences at the Untangling Our Roots Summit, a conference for
adoptees, donor-conceived people, and NPEs (Not Parent Expected).
They highlight the healing atmosphere and the importance of
bringing these groups together.
00:23:22 - Healing Through
Collaboration,
The guest discusses the strength in
numbers and believes that fellowship and togetherness can help in
the healing process. She emphasizes the importance of language and
inclusion of all groups in adoption, such as DCPs and
NPEs.
00:26:24 - Leslie Pete
McKinnon,
The guest and host express their
admiration for Leslie Pete McKinnon, the woman who came up with the
idea for the Untangling Our Roots Summit. They discuss her kind and
caring nature and the impact she has had on the adoption
community.
00:28:31 - The Importance of
Networking,
Jennifer explains her preference for
one-on-one networking due to her Enneagram type and past conference
experiences. She encourages adoptive parents to attend conferences
and listen to adoptee voices to inform their choices and help them
heal.
00:30:32 - Adoptee
Voices,
Beth and Jennifer agree on the
importance of adoptees being seen and heard. Jennifer discusses the
need for more representation of same-race Black domestic adoptees
in the adoption conversation.
00:33:01 - Adoptee Voices Writing
Group,
Beth highlights the Adoptee Voices
writing group which provides space for adoptees to share their
stories and be heard. Jennifer emphasizes the healing power of
storytelling for both the storyteller and listener.
00:35:06 - Missing Voices in
Adoption,
Jennifer mentions the lack of
representation of same-race Black domestic adoptees in the adoption
conversation and how this can lead to assumptions about adoptees'
racial identities. She believes that listening to adoptee voices
can inform adoptive parents' future decisions.
00:39:17 - Transracial
Adoption,
Beth and Jennifer discuss the unique
challenges faced by transracially adopted individuals in terms of
identity and culture. Jennifer shares her experience of feeling a
strong connection to her Black culture as a same-race
adoptee.
00:42:52 - Importance of Immersing
in Your Child's Community,
Jennifer emphasizes the importance
of transracial adoptive parents immersing themselves in their
child's community, even if it means moving to a new area. This
helps prevent the child from feeling isolated and disconnected from
their culture. It's also important to remember that not all Black
people are the same.
00:43:52 - Working on
Anti-Racism,
White people have a lot of work to
do to support our Black adopted children, friends, and peers. We
must educate ourselves by reading books like White Fragility and
taking classes. It's crucial to step up and do the work to create a
better culture.
00:44:49 - Good Intentions Are Not
Enough,
While good intentions are a great
starting point, they are not enough. We need to actively work
towards anti-racism and be willing to accept feedback and
correction when we make mistakes. We must do the hard work to
create a better future for our Black communities.