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Build in Public Daily

Mar 17, 2023

[00:00:00] Dr. Stacey Gonzales: today I'm gonna share a journal entry from a week ago and one week ago from today. I. Um, have a coach from I'm, um, a fellow in on execs on deck, a program which is for executives who are looking to transition either into being a founder or being, um, a, um, executive in a tech startup space. And so, um, as a part of that program, what comes with that is six executive coaching sessions.

[00:00:41] And so last week was my first executive coaching session, and one of the things that I've worked with a coach for a very long time, not a very long time, about two years on my own, with my own coach that I've hired. And then, um, when I was [00:01:00] working as a school district administrator, I always believed in the power of having a coach, and so I, um, have hired coaches throughout my, my career.

[00:01:13] And one of the things that I've learned over the years of working with a coach and why I think having a coach is so valuable is that you get out of your coach what you put into it. . And so, um, I have six coaching exce sessions available with an executive coach who works specifically in the space of tech startups and good coaches.

[00:01:44] Um, I'm, I'm a trained coach as well, um, through a solution focus training. And what I've learned is that good coaches, um, aren't there to do the work for you at, at all, right? They are there to support [00:02:00] you in your work. And the way I describe it is like this. Here's a metaphor, if you will, of how I think about the coaching process.

[00:02:11] Wake up in the morning and I'm standing on the edge of a cliff every day.

[00:02:21] and I know in order to show up to my life fully, my quest is to step off the cliff, to trust myself, trust that I have everything I need inside of me to be successful. In a free fall, if you. and there's this saying, um, it's a Buddhist saying that, my coach actually sent to me that, and I don't remember who the author is, but it goes like [00:03:00] this.

[00:03:00] The bad news is you're in a free fall without a parachute. The good news is, is there is no ground.

[00:03:13] and so I've extended that a little bit to What does it mean when you have a coach? Well, when you have a coach, you're free falling, but you have somebody in the free fall with you to hold your hand for a moment or two and to help you see. and take in the beauty as opposed to that, um, wind in your face and that level of panic, right?

[00:03:42] But somebody to hold your hand and say, oh, look over there. Look at the mountains over there. Oh, look over there and see what's, what's shiny and fun and exciting over there. Right? And so I had my first session with my coach. Last week and in [00:04:00] preparation for that session, which kind of gave me the idea of why I write for, um, my podcast episodes now, is because I wanted to be super, super prepared.

[00:04:14] It was a 45 minute meeting. I wanted to get the most out of that meeting, um, for myself, right? The point of working with a coach is that you determine the value that you want out of it, and it's really what you put in. You get out.And so I wrote this letter and when we got in the call, um, , you know, we said, hello, whatever.

[00:04:40] And she said, I can tell you about me, but not everybody needs that. You know, whatever it is you need. I said, well, I wrote something to you and I'd like to read it to you because this is what I want to grow in. So may I read it to you? And she said, sure. [00:05:00] And so, for today's podcasting, I'm gonna read to you what I wrote to my coach.

[00:05:10] I am meeting with Heather today. I have done a lot of work over the past two years, unraveling my identity, reducing unconscious reactions, which have reduced unwanted outcomes. I've learned more deeply who I am, what I can be, who I can be, what I can control, and what I can. I've removed toxic people from my life, experienced much inner healing from childhood trauma, and I'm finding the people in spaces who embrace me.

[00:05:49] I've made great strides in understanding how to care for myself, be emotionally resilient and self-regulated. I've worked on my soul in a deep and meaningful way [00:06:00] through sound baths, meditation, breath work, journaling, connecting to nature. Training a dog, even reading books and immersing myself into numerous communities, among other things to understand in a deeper way who I am, how my unique gifts and talents can be leveraged to make the world a better place.

[00:06:24] As a sexual abuse survivor, I've overcome a broken marriage and found complete restoration like when we were 19. My husband and I are more in love now and connected better than ever because I have learned to respect myself and my body. I am trusting myself in deeper ways. I feel my intuition beginning to wake up and my eyes are opening.

[00:06:49] In December, I met Renee. We have become business partners and friends. This new relationship is a true gift to me because through our interactions it is [00:07:00] showing me who I am. Renee has strong boundaries and has been on her own soul growth journey and doing her own inner work. Last week we had a successful in-person launch of soul growth.

[00:07:12] Our company, the areas I'd like to focus our sessions on is creating a money mindset of abundance versus lack, shortage, scarcity, et cetera. I've been examining my limiting beliefs around money and the patterns of behavior. They have been unconsciously looping. Here are some of the limiting beliefs. If you work really hard, you'll make more money.

[00:07:41] You must prove your value by your hard work and actions. Saving and investing are the only ways to abundance. If you want need more money, you must work harder, longer, smarter than. Having and owning nice things is okay, but never be flashy or a big shot. Never [00:08:00] talk about money. It's inappropriate. Always live below your means and you'll be okay.

[00:08:06] People are more important than things, so if you have great relationships, you should be happy with that. It's enough Making or having a lot of money will cause you to be greedy and stingy. You don't know the details of others who became millionaires. Extremely wealthy, so it can't happen for you. You're too old to build a wealth legacy for your family and company in the manifestation of these limiting money.

[00:08:34] Beliefs in my life look like this. Some of them always looking for a deal, a sale or discount when I'm making a purchase. Never wanting to pay full price because I'm worried I'm being taken advantage of. Feeling triggered and guilty. Anytime my kids ask for something where I have one who asks for something all the time and one [00:09:00] child who never asks for anything,

[00:09:05] I'm not sure what other surface patterns are in motion, but I am certain that is time for change and I need help moving from a lack and scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. Well, this shift feels a bit more challenging than other obstacles I faced. I think the reason is I'm fully aware and ready and open to see this change manifest with the other limiting beliefs I've overcome.

[00:09:31] I was also working on building my emotional resiliency, self-regulation, clear mind, et cetera. Today I feel I have some foundational pieces in. I have a meditation practice, journaling and ability to operate from a place of much greater clarity and higher vibrational energy. Because of that, I believe I am open and ready to transform in this area, create new and open new neural pathways, and [00:10:00] experience new ways of being so I can provide for myself and my family, as well as create a company where others are better and able to also experience the inner transformation power like I have.

[00:10:11] So I'm open and ready to meet this challenge head on, and I'm thankful for your support as I embrace this path over the course of our work together. And so I sent that, I sent, I read that to my coach and from there we went through an activity where, um, she walked me through, um, the feelings. I have the actions.

[00:10:37] and the outcomes, and then we replace them with what I want it to feel and what actions I want it to take. And then every day, for the past seven days, I have, um, watched and noticed my thoughts and my limiting beliefs or any limiting beliefs that I've had, documented them. And [00:11:00] then at the end of every day, journaled and checked in with my coach.

[00:11:04] Um, and then we have a follow up in, in two weeks. and just the act of putting it out there with her. And now with you all in this safe podcasting building public space takes away part of the shame that I've uncaring around this limiting belief. And here is what I've learned about shame. When shame is exposed, when it is called out, when it is named, it loses its power over you.

[00:11:50] It can no longer control you. And so this past week has shown [00:12:00] me so many things about myself. and I've had great experience, experiences, and I'm becoming more confident. I'm having better communication. I'm setting better boundaries of who I am and what I expect in conversations, and I believe it is because I am taking the risks here and the Building Public podcast as well as with those that I'm working.

[00:12:34] And so I encourage you to name whatever it is that feels like shame name, your shame name it, even if you say it to nobody but your journal and you putting it out there, getting it outside of you. This, associating [00:13:00] it from your identity. You are not that. I'm not my limited money mindset. I'm not. I'm so much more than that.

[00:13:11] The abundance, the richness of the life I have that I talked about at the beginning of that letter. That is true Wealth. Not the dollar amount in my bank account. And so I just encourage you, if you're listening to this and if it's something that resonates with you, to find the way for yourself to know that you don't have to be a victim.

[00:13:49] You don't have to be limited. By your past patterns, they're so much stronger, so much more resilient, so much braver and [00:14:00] courageous than you even realize.