Aug 29, 2023
Welcome to the Rock Solid Relationships podcast. I'm your host, master certified relationships coach Sarah Payne. And if you are ready to have a rock solid marriage and create connecting relationships with the people that matter most to you, then you are in the right place. You welcome back to the podcast. Today we are going to be talking about what you want, your desires, and how to get what you want. I've been as I've mentioned before in the podcast, I've been reading this book called The Magic, and the magic is a metaphor or it's another name for gratitude, I should say, and it's really just changed how I view gratitude so profoundly. I've seriously given this book away to so, like, if you know me in real life, I've probably given you this book. It has transformed me that much. But one of the things that the author, Rhonda Byrne has you do is to write down your top ten desires. And so we're going to talk about that today. We're going to talk about how to figure out what your desires are and then how to get what you want. All right? And so first thing, before you can get what you want with your desires, you have to know what they are. And so many of us, I remember feeling this way a few years ago before I found coaching. Like, we don't even know what we want. And if that's you, then that's okay, because it just means that you haven't tapped into that in a while. I'm sure when you were five, you knew exactly what you wanted. And I'm sure when you were 15, you probably knew what you wanted. And somewhere along the lines, you just learned to put your desires aside. And so we're going to tap into them again. So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions to consider if you're in that boat, if you're like, I don't even know what I want. The first step is the only response that is not acceptable is I don't know. All right? I don't know is always a lie, and it always means that it's like a defense mechanism. It's like a way to protect ourselves from failure, from disappointment. And so in order to bypass I don't know, you just remind your brain, oh, yeah, that's the only answer that we don't accept. And then you ask yourself, if I did know, what would I want? And just allow your brain to come up with some answers. I have found that the emotion of jealousy is very useful in figuring out what I want, because if I'm jealous of somebody, it means that they have something that I want, and I just think I can't get it. So maybe you're jealous of your sister's marriage and the kind of tenderness with which she and her husband speak to each other. Or maybe you are jealous of your friend who just got back from a European vacation. Both of those are a window into your desires. You desire tender communication with your husband, and you desire to travel, maybe by yourself, maybe with your family. But there you go. Jealousy will help you know what you want. So after you figure out what you want, you're going to want to write it down. But the key to that, you're going to write this down in a different way than you normally would. You're going to write it down as if you've already received this desire. So instead of saying, I want a trip to Europe, you'd say, thank you, thank you, thank you, universe or God or whatever it is you believe in for the wonderful trip to Europe. We made memories to last a lifetime. Okay, so you're going to write as if it has already happened. Neville Goddard talks about this living from the wish fulfilled. Okay, so I know it's a little bit different than you probably have done in the past, but just trust me on this one. You want to write as if it's already happened, and then you want to go a step further. You can write all of this if it's useful for you. It's always useful for me to write things down, but just go with what works for you. You want to really engage your five senses in what it will be like when you have what you want. So that might look like let's take the example of the European vacation. I imagine the breeze blowing in my hair as we walk down the cobblestone streets of Italy. And I imagine people speaking Italian everywhere. And I look at my husband and I just smile. And I'm looking at my children, and they all have a different flavor of gelato. And they are just like in awe of this place, of Italy, and of everything that they're seeing. And maybe they're even like teasing one another and joking with one another. And my husband, who has been to Italy, so let's say that this is one of my desires, is telling us stories about when he was in Italy as a missionary for our church when he was 19 years old. And I can smell the Italian food as we walk down the street, and I can taste the pasta and the pizza, and you just really put yourself in the place. And I see the beautiful cathedral that was built 1000 years ago, and I just can't believe that that was created by human hands. See how I'm getting very specific about that desire and about what it would be like to experience it? Now here's the other thing. With your like, you can desire whatever you want. So there's no moral code on desires. If you want to desire world peace, then I applaud you, and that's amazing. But if you want to desire like, a souped up Ford Bronco like I do, that's okay too. All right. So if you can let go of the morality around your desires, then this activity will be a lot more fun. It reminds me of Tangled when Rapunzel is, like, singing in that bar about how she wants to see the lanterns, and that's, like, her dream, I think it's called, like, I have a dream or something like that. And then they turn to flyn Ryder, and they're like, what's your dream? And he's like, I want to be rested and alone on an island that I own, surrounded by enormous piles of money. If that is your dream, that's awesome. All right, so drop any moral attachments or labels that you have on your dreams. And then after you imagine yourself living them and engage your senses so that you can really feel it, you will be able to see that your body and your brain don't actually know the difference between you imagining it and it actually happening. It's amazing. This is why planning a vacation is so fun for some people, because they imagine themselves on the beach in Hawaii, or they imagine themselves at the lake house in the mountains. When you can imagine yourself, it's as if you are already there. And then after you do that, I want you to consider who is the first person you will tell when you receive that desire. Like, imagine yourself telling them. How do you tell them, and what do you say? What's the first great thing you do when you receive the desire? Include as much detail as you can in your mind. All right, so if one of your dreams is to have a dream car, like, let's take my desire to have a souped up Ford Bronco. I, like, imagine myself driving down the freeway with my Ford Bronco, my green Ford Bronco. And I imagine my son sitting in the passenger side, and I tell him that he can't drive. And I'm joking with him, but then I pull over and I hand him the keys, and I imagine telling Ryan that he's not allowed to drive it, but then I let him drive, too. And I imagine pulling it into the garage at night, and I imagine how fun it will be to take it to some of the outdoor places that are close to where we live. So I'm just like, living as if and I write it down, like, thank you, thank you. Thank you for the souped up Ford Bronco that I bought with my own money. In my business, it's so fun to drive. I love it. I love to spend time with my family in it. I love to climb the mountains of Colorado in it. See how I'm just, like, already there in my mind. And you get to do this ten times, all right? So you get to do this with your top ten desires. And after you do that, watch it happen, my friends. Watch it happen. Now, I recently pulled up. I like to read this list every day. But truth be told, I kind of got out of the habit of it a little bit. So I pulled them up recently and I was like, oh my goodness, I have to make a new list because so many of these desires have come to pass. One of the desires that I wrote down was to have a close connection with all of my siblings and their spouses and their children. And so I imagined sitting around my mom's kitchen table having important and loving conversations with each of my siblings and their spouses. And I imagined my sister has a son who's little and five. And I got down on his level and I imagined me just loving on my nephew and just talking to him about things that matter to him and giving him a fist bump and just maybe handing him a treat. And I just pictured what that would feel like in my mind to do that. And then I even imagined my sister out of the corner of my eye, she's watching us, and she's just so full of love and gratitude that her sister loves her son so much. So see how I picture it in my mind so very clearly. So let's take these steps one more time, all right? First, you figure out what your desires are. And no desire is off limits. I don't imagine you want to desire that somebody dies or something like that. Maybe just that, right? You don't want to harm people, but there's no moral compass for your desire. So if you're a flyn rider, go be Flynn Rider and imagine enormous piles of money on an island that you own, all right? So choose your desires. Don't spend too much time. This is not a headstone. We are not etching this in like stone here, all right? You can change these desires, okay? So don't focus so much on getting the desires right that you don't do this activity. This should only take you like 30 minutes tops. And then after you choose them, write them down as if they have already happened. Live from the wish fulfilled, as Neville Goddard says. After you do that, imagine yourself living them. Like, take some time here. Engage your senses. Feel it. Imagine yourself on that European vacation. Imagine yourself with the kind of marriage that you truly want, all right? And what that would be like. And then once you do that, you watch it happen. And then when it does happen, when your desires do come to fruition, you get to cross them off your list and feel so much gratitude. And then pick a different one. Listen, this works. This totally works. So much so that I've had to create multiple lists because my desires, not all of them, some of them I am still working on and are the same desires that I had when I did this activity for the first time. But so many of them have come to pass and become my reality. And it's so fun to live in that gratitude and to live in that space where you have the desire before it's even realized. Go do this, and then let me know how it goes. And if you want to start working together, you can find me at Sarah Payne coaching, and you can sign up for a consultation call, and we can work together on fulfilling your deepest, truest, biggest desires. Can't wait to work with you.