Nov 21, 2023
Well, I am very excited to talk to you today about purposeful belief and how you can actually, like, decide what you want to believe, even if nobody else believes it. And you can choose to let go of beliefs even if, like, your family has believed them for generations and generations and generations. We're going to talk all about that today, and it's going to be so fun. Close. Ready to create rock solid relationships with the people that matter most to you? You are in the right place. My name is Sarah Payne, and I'm a master certified relationships coach. And each week I teach you how to create the connection and love that you desire because you know that the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your relationships. I'm so glad you're here. Are you ready to talk about purposeful beliefs? I am, for sure. Now, I want to do a little caveat that we are also going to talk about beliefs that a lot of us were given by our parents when we were really little. And we didn't really have know that. We didn't have to believe that. And this is not an episode about in any way, shape or form about shaming anyone's parents. It's just about recognizing that the things that you were taught don't have to be things that you continue to believe. And how even though a lot of us formed some of our, like you maybe call them core beliefs when we were too young enough to know any different, we're forming beliefs all the time. All the time. And so the beautiful thing about our brains is that they're neuroplastic and they can change and develop, and that at any given time, we as adults, we can choose to believe something different. So tell me if any of these sound familiar. Were you taught any of these? I was taught some of these by very loving parents. Money doesn't grow on trees. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Some people are good and some people are bad. Watch out for the bad guys. And of course, all these weren't taught by my parents. I learned that in a Marvel movie. Right. Superheroes. It's important to be available to my kids whenever they need me. I think I learned that as a young mother, and I just latched onto it like, oh, good, moms are always available to their kids whenever another one that I hear with my clients is, you'll struggle with that for the rest of your life. I remember coaching a client who was diagnosed with an eating disorder when she was like, a teenager, and she was now in her forty s, and she just didn't know that she could decide that. Oh, maybe I don't have to make this a struggle for my entire life. Change is hard, and most people never do it. It's another belief. Moms always put themselves last. Like, you know, as moms, we just don't consider what we want. What is that saying? I brought it up here before. I think that it's like the mom, when there were six of us and five slices of pie, promptly declared that she didn't like pie. I remember hearing that and being like, oh, noted. Moms are so sacrificial, and I hate that. Now I don't believe that at all. I'm like, how about we just cut the pie slices in half so that there's more and everybody can have one, including mom. This is one that I heard when my kids were little. Well, little person, little problems. Big people, big problems. Just you wait until they're teenagers. Teenagers are so hard. Another one I heard it wasn't, like, explicitly said this way, but it's like how my brain picked it up was rich people, they had to be dishonest in some way to get where they are. But also, you want to be rich, but you don't want to be too rich. You don't want to be a bad rich person. You want to be a good rich person. And poor people are more humble and better in the eyes of God, and they're also not that as good as you, and so you don't want to be poor. Like, it was such mixed messages about money. Right? I remember hearing when I was pregnant with my first. Like, some babies just take years to learn how to sleep through the night. And a mom is only as happy as her saddest child. I remember hearing that for the first time. I still remember where I was and who told it to me. And I remember thinking, oh, that's how it is. And now I think that is just hogwash. Moms are as happy as they choose to be, whether they're, like, we can separate ourselves from our children and their happiness and still be loving mothers. I would argue that it's the most loving thing we can do, and the biggest, best gift we can give our children is our own happiness. And it's beautiful because that's the gift we can give ourselves, too, right? So I no longer believe that some babies take years to learn to sleep through the night. Like, I did a lot of research and I read a lot of things, and I trained my babies to sleep through the night from the time they were just weeks old. Things like that really are possible, even if others don't believe it, right? Here are some other things that I believe. I choose to believe on purpose, even though I would argue that most people don't believe them. I believe there's more where that came from. I try to think that as often as I can. Like instead of money is hard, we're running out of money. There's never enough. There's more where that came from. And I love that the earth and nature teaches us that. But there's always enough. There's always enough in nature. We plant one apple seed and it grows infinite apples. Like nature teaches us, there's always enough. The sun sets and then it rises every day again. There are always new beginnings. There's always enough. Nature teaches us that there's plenty and there's an abundance of everything. And I love believing that about not just about nature, but about money, about love, about friendship, about connection. I love believing that whenever I possibly can. This is one that I'm always working on. And there's a solution that's best for me and for everyone else, always. And I can find it. So I don't subscribe to the belief that, yeah, there's a solution that's best for them, but it will come at my expense. Or there's a solution that's best for me, but it will come at everyone else's expense. No, there Is always a solution and an answer that is an and that is best for me and them. And I love when I think that way. My brain gets so creative looking for the answer that's best for everyone. I believe that angels are everywhere. I can call on them to help me whenever I want. Some of them I can see and some of them I can't, but they are everywhere. And I love teaching my children this, too. I love believing that money doesn't change people. It just makes them more of who they are. And so it's made me less afraid of money and less afraid of people who have money. And it doesn't make me better than anybody else if I have more money than them. It just money can amplify who I am and make me more of that. I believe that people are good. So good. This one is really, really clutch. Like when I walk into a room or a situation. And I believe that at their core, all people are good. I treat them differently. I treat myself differently. This one has changed virtually, like every relationship that I have. And it has helped me connect with all sorts of people and all sorts of backgrounds, and I love it. I highly recommend that you adopt this thought. Even if you were taught as a child to be afraid of people, and I know many of you were, and you can change that. It is possible to change that. I have seen it happen so many times. I believe that when people behave badly, they're hurting in some way, and that brings me so much compassion for them and that I can see them as wounded. Instead of broken or bad or evil, they're just wounded. It doesn't mean that I would necessarily, like. Just like with a wounded animal, I might not go up to a wounded animal. Like, I might protect myself from that wounded animal. We can set boundaries and still believe that all people are good and that when they behave badly, they're just hurting in some way. I believe that people are capable of change, and they do it every day. I believe that I am a lighthouse, that I can shine my light wherever I go, and as I shine my light, other people are able to See themselves in a new light. I believe that I am a person who sees people as powerful, not just, like, their potential. Like, oh, they have so much potential, but who they really are now. They are powerful and resourceful right now. And when I see people as powerful, the conversations that I have with them are different. When I see my children as capable and powerful, the conversations that I have with them are completely different. Does it mean that I don't help them? Absolutely not. I am still there for them. They can still count on me. And I believe that they are powerful and resourceful exactly as they are. And that goes along with this belief that I used to have, that I need to be there for my kids whenever they need me, actually, or want to me. Right. Actually, they're strong and powerful and capable, and that if I'm not there, that they're very resourceful. I believe that. And it brings me such peace, and there's such a lack of anxiety there because I don't think that I have to be the only one that's there for them at any given time. I love the thought. It's this or something better. So when I think about things that I'm going through or something that I want, like, I've recently been going through some health challenges, and in my mind, I'm like, this is what I want. I want my body to heal itself in this way. I want to have this result. But then when I add on to it or something better, it just expands my view of what could be possible. And I just believe in a God who is better than our wildest dreams. So I might not be able to see the better, but he can, and they can. And so if I am open to this or something better, it helps me release the tight grip on how I think things should be. This is so helpful in parenting my kids because they have their own agency and their own choices, and sometimes I think that they should make certain choices, and they don't always make those. I'm like, well, it's this or something better. It's this or something better. They're going to learn this lesson, or it's going to Be something better. I can release this idea that I have, that I have to control them to feel a certain way. I love believing that. I don't need to know how some things are going to work out. The how will present itself. I just need one step. There is a hymn in my faith tradition that says, like, one step enough for me. I think that all the time, I just need to take the next step. I don't need to know the whole picture. I believe on purpose that miracles are everywhere. And that is so thrilling to me. One of the things that I've been practicing lately is in the morning, I go through my mind what I have planned for the day, and then I ask myself, what miracles am I going to see today? I learned this from my friend Colette. What miracles am I going to see? And, like, I like to guess, well, maybe I'll have a transformative conversation with this person, or maybe this thing will happen that I've really been wanting. I wonder what miracles are. It's going to be these or something better. And then I go throughout my day expecting miracles. And when I expect them, and I'm loosely held by what they're going to be, then I see them everywhere. It is a beautiful way to live. I believe that this is the greatest time in the history of the world to be alive. I know that's a controversial belief, and I say it not to discount any of the sadness and sorrow and really scary things that are going on in the world, but I still believe it's the best time in the history of the world to be alive. I believe that I'm strong. I've not always believed this. There was a time for many, many years where I kind of was like, well, I'm the weak one in my family. Like, I'm just not strong enough to do this or that. My siblings can do it, but I can't. And I now believe that I am strong. And that is a very powerful belief for me. I also believe that I'm a powerful force for good in the world. And you know what? So are you. If you have listened to this podcast and thought like, I want to believe those things, too, but I don't know how. That is the work that I do every day as a coach. And I can help you do it, too. So if you want to believe more powerful things and in turn become a more powerful person, then sign up for a consultation call with me by going to Sarah Payne coaching on Instagram and click on the button. It's either called consultation call or strategy session. But we can talk about the things that you want to believe on purpose and the things that you want to change in your life, the relationships that you want to be different. And I can help you make a clear path to get there, and we can talk about how we can work together in doing so. Have a great week. Bye.