On welcoming compassion for the string of selves you've ever been, quotes from Hourglass and Inheritance. On the corrosive power of family secrets, and the healing of the secret that Dani uncovered about her origins.
On welcoming compassion for the string of selves you've ever been, quotes from Hourglass and Inheritance. On the corrosive power of family secrets, and the healing of the secret that Dani uncovered about her origins.
Dani Shapiro’s books include the memoirs, Hourglass, Still Writing, Devotion, and Slow Motion, and five novels including Black & White and Family History. Her work spans diverse subjects from her tumultuous upbringing in an Orthodox Jewish community and the tragic death of her father to her explorations of spirituality and the nature of our deepest relationships. Dani’s New York Times best selling memoir, Inheritance, was recently published by Knopf.
Dani's essays and journalistic pieces have appeared in numerous publications including The New Yorker, Salon, n+1, Tin House, and Vogue, and have been widely anthologized. She contributes regularly to The New York Times Book Review and has been broadcast on This American Life.
Along with teaching writing workshops around the world, Dani has taught at Columbia and New York University, and is the cofounder of the Sirenland Writers Conference in Positano, Italy.
In February of 2019, Dani launched an original podcast “Family Secrets” in collaboration with iHeart Media. The podcast features stories from guests who—like Dani— have uncovered life-altering and long-hidden secrets from their families’ past.
She lives with her family in Litchfield County, Connecticut.
Length: 48:46
Timecodes:
0:44
Devotion. On questioning identity and forming a new relationship to Judaism.
2:07
Hourglass. What is it to walk with another human being over time?
Virginia Woolf quote: “[...] to feel the present sliding over the depths of the past, peace is necessary.” Meditation practice.
7:44
Finding compassion for our younger selves.
Assignment: Go back to an old journal, read and locate some compassion for your younger self. Then write a poem detailing that compassion.
11:36
Inheritance.The story of how this book came about. Discovering that Dani’s father was not her biological father.
18:35
The unknown known. The longing she felt growing up that she didn’t understand.
20:54
How quickly the story unfolded, following the genealogy test.
25:25
Recognizing her gestures in her biological father.
26:16
On shying away from certain terminology in donor-conceived world.
27:43
Modern smoke signals.
29:30
How everyone has tried to do the kind thing. What do we owe each other in these situations?
31:43
What it’s like to experience people’s vulnerability and courage at Inheritance book tour events.
The end of secrecy of this kind.
35:35
Difference between sharing a story and crafting a story.
36:20
Returning to yoga.
38:01
Dani’s favorite view in Italy.
39:25
What prayer means to Dani. Sylvia Boorstein: an expression of a wish.
43:10
Reading from Inheritance. Dani’s Aunt Shirley’s words to her as a pure manifestation of love.
No one is an accident of history.
46:10
To be born into a human body is the rarest thing.
On meditation and the merits we carry as a result of our practice, engaging inward connections, and cultivating heart community, with Diego Perez, the writer known as Yung Pueblo.
Diego perez is the writer behind the pen name yung pueblo. The name yung pueblo means "young people." It serves to remind him of his ecuadorian roots, his experiences in activism, and that the collective of humanity is in the midst of important growth. His favorite word, liberation, took on a deeper meaning once he started meditating vipassana, as taught by s.n. goenka. Through writing and speaking, he aims to support the healing of the individual, realizing that when we release our personal burdens, we contribute to a global peace.
Length: 49:17
Timecodes:
2:00
How Diego sees his work as being a part of helping the collective to grow up.
2:51
Influence of meditation and Vipassana retreats on Diego’s writing.
6:30
Diego's morning routine.
7:20
Letting go. It’s about unhinging and making peace with the past.
8:47
Remaining connected to Source. Focusing on impermanence, rather than the soul.
10:30
Hafiz's poetry . I have learned so much.
11:30
On expressing impermanence.
13:20
How to get loved ones to begin their journey inwards. All you can do is be a role model.
15:05
The finest results of a good practice: showing more kindness, more respect and less judgment.
16:35
On just wanting to be a gentle person.
17:20
Reading from Inward: Self-love. Social Media as a medium for humanity to talk to itself.
19:35
Luke Storey and 5G. On humans creating the atomic bomb. Instagram timers. Airplane mode.
24:00
The privilege of serving someone who is working on their liberation.
26:05
Time away from phone.
26:33
Diego's favorite view from within.
28:32
Diego and his wife on hanging out with their eyes closed.
29:13
What it's like to go on a Vipassana meditation retreat.
33:38
What prayer means to Diego. Metta.
34:40
The merits of the practice. On wanting to give up, right before the next layer dissolves.
37:20
Reading of Repeat Daily from Inward.
38:05
Making movies in your head vs: letting the tensions go.
39:25
Parenting and the bravery of letting children have their own experience.
42:58
Reading from Inward. "Happiness and gratitude are attractive forces."
45: 03
Working towards a goal vs. the tension of cravings.
47:10
Finding a practice that helps you reach your subconscious so you can release deeply rooted patterns.
Luke Storey’s The Life Stylist Podcast episode 191 with Dr Jack Kruse
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/business/cell-phone-addiction.html
On Rituals, Practices, and Good Listening
On the occasion of the release of 'Rituals for Every Day' by Nadia Narain and and Katia Narain Phillips, we gathered to chat about our own practices of listening, praying and meaning-making.
Nadia Narain is one of the UK’s best loved and most respected yoga teachers. For more than 20 years, she has taught everyone from professional athletes to, pregnant women to total beginners and yoga sceptics, how to take care of their outer bodies as well as their inner spirit, she has inspired thousands to slow down, be kind and love themselves where they are. Nadia is also co-author with her sister of the international bestselling book “Self Care for the Real World,” and more recently, “Rituals for Every Day,” explaining not just why we have to look after ourselves, but how i simple achievable ways.
nadianarain.com - Nadia has a range for chemical free candles and perfumes and yoga retreats
Notes and Methods by Hilma Af Klint
Marie Kondo, The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up
Belonging by Toko-pa Turner
Luke Storey’s The Life Stylist Podcast episode 191 with Dr Jack Kruse:
ABC carpet and home.
Rituals for Every Day
Length: 40:16
Timecodes:
1:57
Reading from p29 Notes and Methods by Hilma Af Klint https://amzn.to/2LZQZIp
4:31
On trusting the messages that we hear from the other side.
7:24
Remembering that the other benevolent realms are also a part of you. Those forces want our help too. Building friendship. Marie Kondo. On helping being natural.
12:52
Assignment:
17:27
Nadia and Katia’s experience of rituals growing up.
19:06
Rituals for breaking up.
20:50
Making the mundane special. Pujas. Physicalized prayer for a project, or another person.
25:48
Reading from Toko-pa Turner’s book Belonging https://amzn.to/2YFjRqY
28:00
The lost language of prayer. There are really beautiful, magical things happening despite what gets noisy and loud.
29:20
Spending time on things that are joyful, not necessarily productive.
Assignment: do something, creative or otherwise, where you’re not dealing with the outcome, just doing.
31:30
Hilma af Klint passage, on not being discouraged when you don’t see results. On growing, and being guided.
35:10
Don’t do anything alone. Take a friend by the hand, invisible or otherwise.
36:10
Dr Jack Kruse on The 5G Apocalypse. Stay close to the trees.
Glo founder Derik Mills joined me for a sweet, edifying conversation on my last trip to film at Glo. We touched upon the last ten years of digital evolution, the future of virtual practice and the heart of what we do together at Glo.com.
Derik is the CEO/founder of Glo, formerly YogaGlo, a health and wellness brand that challenges people to live a fulfilling life. Glo believes in a world in which we all live our true potential. In 2008, Derik teamed up with his younger brother to found and self-fund Glo. They started by converting a Santa Monica workspace into a recording studio to film yoga and meditation classes that were free for the public to attend. The online service grew to empower subscribers to experience yoga, meditation, lecture, and online continuing education courses taught by world-class instructors from anywhere in the world. Today, in 2019, the company remains self-funded and has expanded to a team of more than 100 people, including faculty, and produced more than 10,000 classes. The company is currently expanding into additional wellness modalities--all in service of providing a personalized experience that makes it easy for members to integrate self-care into their everyday lives. Featured in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Forbes, Goop, Oprah, and more, Glo has become a cultural phenomenon driven by Derik’s devotion to contributing to something larger than himself.
2:22
The early days of Glo. How Elena came to work with Derik.
4:32
On the origin of Glo and Derik’s vision.
While in university, Derik wrote “I want to maintain and cultivate my faculty of wonder.” Stuck in traffic on way to yoga one day, he wished he could beam the class into his living room.
12:42
On putting everything he had into Glo. The meaning of glo.com to individuals all over the world, especially during difficult times. The teacher selection process.
20:33
Evolution from more class-based practices to more one-on-one camera set up. Listening to customer feedback.
26:16
How Derik sees the future. On providing intelligent, personalized tools that challenge people to live their own true potential.
30:39
The Human Shadow. Douglas Brooks recommended poet Robert Bly. Willingness to be vulnerable. The practice of extending the space between a trigger and acting, especially in high-stakes moments.
Assignment: Where and with whom could you be a little more vulnerable today? What would that benefit look like, in the ideal?
37:30
Derik’s favorite view.
39:45
Prayer as a listening to your inner voice.
Beginning of Glo Manifesto: “To you the seeker, you listened to your inner calling to nurture wonder and curiosity to illumine your mind, inspire your heart, with courage to kindle the fire on a journey of self-discovery.”
glo.com
Elena's Practice You Course on Glo
Douglas Brooks
A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Robert Bly
Claudia Chan is a recognized leadership expert and social entrepreneur dedicated to activating individuals and organizations to lead culture change and accelerate equality.
Claudia founded the award-winning global leadership conference, S.H.E. Summit, making the advancement of women’s leadership and inclusive culture change accessible and actionable. Year after year, the event connects, educates and activates change agents and champions of equality; speakers have included Deepak Chopra, Kelly Clarkson, Carla Harris of Morgan Stanley, Sallie Krawcheck, Gabrielle Bernstein, Soledad O’Brien, and UN Ambassador Samantha Power, among others.
Claudia also leads S.H.E. Globl Media, a corporate platform helping Fortune 1000 companies by providing strategic and operational tools to empower and activate ALL employees in creating permanent culture change. A sought-after speaker on how empowered talent can and should create a world of true equity, Claudia was called the “Richard Branson of Women’s Empowerment” by Fast Company and named one of 2017’s “20 Most Influential Moms” by Family Circle. In 2015, Claudia became an official U.S. State Department Speaker and has visited countries like South Korea for countrywide speaking tours to educate women on how to empower themselves and others in their communities. She was the 2015 global spokesperson for Gillette Venus #UseYourAnd empowerment campaign, a movement encouraging women to celebrate their multi-dimensionality.
Prior to launching S.H.E. Globl Media, Claudia was President & Co-Owner of the popular women’s entertainment company Shecky’s for 10 years. Claudia is a lifelong New Yorker, proud alumnae of Smith College, Mom of two and an equal partner with her husband, John.
1:11
How Claudia began. Watching her powerful, entrepreneurial Chinese Mother do it all.
2:16
Sex and the City. 2000s. Power of the media to influence Women’s values.
3.26
Half the Sky: https://amzn.to/2BuJqSk learning about the state of women and girls in the Third world, developing countries, maternal mortality and sex trafficking. In the US: the pay gap and gender inequality.
4:25
First SHE Summit. Showing women that they can become leaders and change agents.
5:35
Innovation means seeing the invisible. When you see the invisible, you can do the impossible.
6.24
Living in the discomfort. It’s where you make the most change.
7.02
Spiritual growth has to precede personal growth. Personal Growth has to precede Leadership development. Leadership Development leads to Social Change.
7.50
Leadership Development means being really clear on your purpose. Being a Visionary, leading teams.
8:46
We’re always going to bump into new challenges that will trigger things from our childhood. For Claudia, this often shows up as money issues.
9:43
You need spiritual growth in order to be rooted in something bigger than you, because it takes so much to move our destiny forward.
12.01
Claudia’s mission to inspire leaders to take action, to create a more equal world.
Identity of boys and men is also in transition.
13.54
How traditional institutions were built on masculine traits. Feminine traits are now starting to permeate the culture.
15.43- 17:41
For several years, women have created movements around particular topics e.g: Christy Turlington’s Every Mother Counts: https://everymothercounts.org/, but we also need more Men creating groups that mobilise around particular causes and topics. EVRYMAN is a great example: https://evryman.com/
15:57-18:43
More gender diverse workplaces are more successful.
18:43
The Thirteen Pillars: Purpose, Vision, Faith, Resilience, Energy, Productivity, Humility Gratitude, Grace, Community, Self-love, Courage and Mindfulness.
19:34
On identifying purpose. What are you meant to do and what are you leaving behind? Start where you struggle.
26:15
On Resilience. A gem can not be polished without friction.
32.48
On Energy. To be intentional about it.
Neville Goddard The Power of imagination https://amzn.to/2Vm8VwW
35: 58
How the 13 pillars intertwine. Use as a check-list for growth. Humility. We stop learning when we think we know it all.
38:20
Treat your whole life as the organization you are leading. Whole-life leadership.
41:42
See yourself as a leader. Start to develop and create your vision.
42:46
Outside-in thinking. Your destiny is greatness.
Pastor: Your schedule is less about what you need to get done and more about who you need to become.
45.38
Elena reads Honoring Community poem from Pixie Lighthorse’s book Prayers of Honoring https://amzn.to/2FVFOge.
48:13-54: 53
Claudia's Relationship with Money. Be aware, and forgive yourself for thinking a certain way.
The Abundance Price by John Randolph Price
https://evryman.com/
This is How We Rise
Prayers of Honoring
Money, A Love Story
In this short episode, Jonah and I touch upon:
- his experience of what we did well in our separation (we minimized fighting, always apologized, and shared stories of the trajectory in a loving way)
- advice to parents for how to handle separation and divorce (no fighting, always apologize, and be kind)
- not requiring eye contact with your kid - allowing the kid to open up more freely
- our shared appreciation of Sex Education on Netflix
- on sources of stress in his life
- a friendly meditation challenge
In this episode, on the occasion of Mary Oliver's passing, I took time to read my favourite passages and poems. Her work has informed mine since 1998, and reading her words brings me back to the earliest days in my teaching and learning to lead.
Readings from:
Thirst
A Thousand Mornings
Felicity
Devotions
A Poetry Handbook
On the intelligence of risk, radical independence, and decoding the real conversation that happens in relationship.
Seeing difficult moments as evidence that it was always coming together.
Length: 5:00
Timecodes:
2:00
Seeing that every difficult moment is a teaching.
A Call For Revolution by His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Seek evidence that it was always coming together
Hold a state of peace within our hearts
“...respond to terror with increased democracy, openness and tolerance”
4:15
May we be more gentle with our fear
May we apply the tolerance, non-violence within our own homes
May we look upon those closest to us (with whom we might be challenged) and continue to believe that there is a teaching in this challenge.
On the energetic and practical wisdom of gathering difficult moments; seeing them as food for your journey.
0:00
Eternal Two Step by Mark Nepo, p.33, Things That Join the Sea and Sky
02:40
Collecting difficult moments like little gems.
Don't try to avoid them; gather them up like fuel, food, treasures.
04:18
When you're a child, the imagination still reigns; there isn’t the impression of meaning just yet… the meaning of what's occurring is entirely open to our interpretation. Meanings begin to be collected and change us. Collecting difficult moments puts us back into the world of imagination, allowing us to reclaim creativity.
06:13
That moment you started to feel like the adult with your parents.
Collecting moments of trusting that everyone has their path.
AB the pleaser; letting go of the need to control other people's experience.
Collecting the difficult moments makes them sacred. Reclaiming lost bits of ourselves, our imagination.
07:45
Self Compassion practice; Rod Stryker- Sanctuary app
What hasn’t been healed? Acknowledging what hasn’t been healed. Giving love and compassion to those aspects. What is it that hasn't been healed?
09:00
EB the fixer; growing the heart v. boundaries. Committing to self in the midst of relationship.
10:15
AB: Loving yourself is never somewhere we get, it's a never-ending journey.
Knowing that you, yourself are your person and committing to that.
“Her” film: the computer loving her 800 humans.
What if my self-love can be so big, it doesn't get rid of my self-hate, it can simply expand to hold and encompass it?
12:45
Practicalities. Scheduling. What is on your calendar that map that self-love?
AB: I tend to schedule things for someone else; having spare time means meeting myself in the blank spaces. Schedule the void diligently. The busyness is just my way of avoiding myself. I don't want to keep accumulating difficult moments without processing the wisdom / extracting the gold from them.
I have to make mandatory space in the early morning. So I determine the energy I run in the day. And at least once during the day touching down with someone that nourishes me.
17:45
On distractions
EB: Business is my favourite distraction; traveling is a good way for me to just stare into space and get great insights about how I want to show up.
19:15
EB: collecting difficult moments with kids; realizing that she doesn’t need to have Jonah be anything or anyone other than who he is.
21:00
EB: Taking space to take space in order to respond to a difficult moment as it’s happening. Moving from baseline overt volatility to softening.
AB: Moving from silent treatment / avoidance / repression to learning how to fight.
24:00
EB: Learning from James’ experience with mens’ work how to listen, communicate. On truly listening. Accepting what the other person is telling you, and then also offering your side.
AB: Can I suspend my first judgement of thinking this is “good” or “bad” - the wisdom of hindsight teaches me that all the tough moments were other than what I thought was being asked of me.
I'm grateful that life or God always knew what was needed.
Who do i want to become with what's happening, so that we aren’t passive bystanders?
What current of energy are you running in your system?
27:00
In all difficult moments you were met by grace.
Seth Godin - difficult moments will not be helped by brute force.
How can we get creative with what’s happening or happened.
We're not passive bystanders.
Choosing what kind of energy you’re running in your system.
30:00
With what are you identifying in this particular moment?
Flexible identities v. fixed identities.
When we look at collecting difficult moments; it's not the identity about what happened, but what we chose to do with it. eg. I was abandoned, so I chose not to abandon.
AB chooses her charity: Navajo Water Project fundraiser.
33:00
Help provide solar power and water where need is greatest in our land.
EB realizing early on the lie being told in American history books.
35:15
AB: When you stop working, do you feel that your existence doesn't matter?
If i stop, it's almost as if everything is about to fall apart.
EB: Trying to stop being perfect or productive in every moment; just practicing sitting still.
36:45
3 QUESTIONS
1. What needs healing?
AB: Developing an unshakeable faith in God and trust in the Creator/ Divine Mother. Remembrance that we’re being walked. I'm doing my very best to live with an unburdened heart.
EB: To heal my judgement, learning to contextualize the person i’m judging. Becoming more deeply familiar with what the other side is doing / saying so it’s not surprising anymore.
Van Jones on Tami Simons, Insights at the Edge.
2. What's your favourite view?
AB: Eye to eye, voice to voice, heart to heart.
(We never get to sit together and just be eye to eye with no device, no distraction.)
EB: The back of my son’s neck. Formerly my Papa’s. James’ too.
45:30
3. What does prayer mean to you?
AB: Prayer means recovering a lost language - the true mother tongue. Prayer got taken out of our hands and put into the hands of others. Prayer is a place where I have to humble myself. Ask for help. Say thank you. Silent prayer makes me wonder who could listen to my quiet, inner place. That must be inside of me, inseparable from me; it’s a redirect to something inside that’s listening, that wants to hear.
EB: Provides confirmation that it’s all inside of each of us. Prayer used to be more asking and collapsing. Now it’s more the relaxing rather than the asking. Affirming my humility. The fact that I don’t know, i don’t have an answer, and i don’t know what to do. But i'm listening.
AB: Praying for God's will - the woman AB met in MX stopped praying for her perceived needs and started praying for God's will, soon realising that her needs were met, under God's will, and her mission was just to get right with what is. Being grateful for exactly this moment. How do I get right with this.
Hear and map what your inner voice has been telling you about difficult moments. Make it artful, beautiful, scary, real.
From the map, write a list of what scares you and/or a list of your dreams.
Bless things more. Find aspects of your life to bless.
Ask a couple of people for feedback. How am i handling difficult moments? What could I have done better today? Don't "identify" with what feedback they give you; identify with what you can do to heal it.
“Eternal Two Step” by Mark Nepo.
From Things That Join the Sea and Sky
Difficult moments are like little deaths. Get good with them.
Roshi Joan Halifax
Van Jones on Tami Simons, Insights at the Edge
Seeing difficult moments as our treasures. Strategies and perspectives for releasing stories and tensions.
0:00-1:40
Vanda Scaravelli quote: Tension is a theft.
To be in adherence with the present moment.
On the stories we’ve repeated in our minds to create tension
“Notice the stories you hold in your mind. Let go of the ones that cause tension.” -Yung Pueblo
1:45
On our being accustomed to - and recreating a baseline neutral of tension…
On the contradictions we’ve adhered to - and seeing them as the treasures and the lessons
On stopping the fight
2:30
Welcoming the child in us that we’ve shunned
And collecting the presence, creating a sacred space for that part of us
3:30
How to be with those parts of ourselves that we’ve denied
Making time for compassion
Seeing your child bring forth all the parts of you that you’ve denied
4:10
On being with the sting of childhood, seeing how it’s still likely driving our choices
Not dramatizing, nor glorifying, just giving it compassion and love
4:45
Rod Stryker SANCTUARY APP
Rod Stryker on Glo
Seeing what hasn’t received my full compassion and love
5:30
Feeling the lesson now; observing and choosing with more clarity
6:15
Our PRACTICE for this episode:
Noting and writing what still hurts.
What part of you needs your compassion
How old were you when that happened / was happening
Write it out
7:00
My example from 5th grade
8:15
If we wish to help and serve, to land in the source of lingering childhood pain is a viable endeavour - write it out…
Then note:
What’s a good response, from the perspective of the person that you are now?
10:00
Complaining less
Serving more
More transparency
Recent conversation with my son
There's no map for parenting; we don’t really know how we’re doing
11:15
Jonah's honest response to my burgeoning self-compassion
12:00
Your writing out the difficult moments will serve as your map.
13:00 - 16:45
As you observe the choices you’ve made as a result of the tension you’ve cultivated unconsciously, here are some possible practices.
17:00
Looking ahead to Episode Two with Ally Bogard.